Celibacy

Back when I first started to tell people that I was celibate, I got a lot of ‘interesting’ responses. Not many people understood why I was taking this path. This was something I wrote approximately 2 years ago to vent about how I was misunderstood and about how sometimes celibacy can be hard when there is a lack of support or committed friendship.


Tell me, What does celibacy mean to you?

Does it mean immaturity?
A wild dog running far and free,
never to be tied down by anything,
or anyone.

Does it mean giving up?
A ship returning home from another failed expedition
torn sails and a breathless crew
unable to catch a second wind.

Does it mean a low libido?
A broken water heater that’s never been hot and bothered
because all it can give are cold showers.

No, I am not a dog, a tired ship, or a broken heater

I am human

but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way

sometimes celibacy is like a spare tire
always tagging along but never quite needed
A perfect third,fifth, or seventh wheel
playing the odd one out to smooth things over when someone goes flat.
a temporary solution,
not quite the right fit but good enough to drive on until you can get a replacement.

yes, sometimes celibacy is like a buoy
anchored but never to find a harbour,
always swaying with the tides,
trying to keep my head above the water as friends pass me by like ships in the night
a life filled with beautiful if not fleeting encounters that I am all the more thankful for during my darkest nights
Although ships may wander,
Oh how I long to know the places you will go and things you will see.
because I grew up hearing nothing but fairy tales
so I only learned how to live someone else’s story
and I don’t quite know how to live as a single person.

Sometimes celibacy is like a pair of blistered hands
Damaged from always being the willing fool.
Ready to catch any sparks that fly between good friends
knowing that sparks will always remain sparks
knowing that I will always love you from afar
knowing that all I will ever get is burnt out.
but I hold my hands out proud any ways
ready to catch any glimmer of light that comes falling down.
ready to love those who need it.

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One thought on “Celibacy

  1. *mic drop*

    Beautiful!

    For some reason, this reminded me of a story from the Desert Fathers.

    A young monk went to his Abbot. “Father,” he said, “I have kept my little prayer and kept my little fast, and yet I long for something larger, and do not know what to do.”

    The old man stood up, raising his hands to heaven, and his fingers became tongues of fire!

    “If you would,” he said, “become all flame.”

    Like

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