Down the Rabbit Hole

I have been trying to write a love poem for a very long time now but I felt that I never could post/share it even if I did create one (so it always got pushed to the way side). The reason being that as a celibate person I didn’t know how it would be received. I wrote love poems in the past, but that was before I dedicated myself to celibacy. Now it almost seems like a contradiction.

I find that once I tell people that I have chosen celibacy, people treat me as if I am asexual/aromantic. If I am not treated this way, they usually figure that celibacy isn’t going to be very sustainable for myself. All that to say that sometimes I feel like I can’t express feelings of love, infatuation, or anything at all that resembles “eros” simply because it colours people’s perception of my commitment to celibacy. I was left wondering, “When I talk about love, do people take me seriously?”

But the thing is that I still have feelings of love like most people. When I decided to remain celibate, my feelings of love didn’t magically go away. There are times I still catch myself wishing for a future that I thought would be apart of my life since I was young. But that doesn’t mean that I am not serious about my commitment to celibacy either.

Caught in the middle, I wrote my first love poem. Enjoy.

I never felt like falling…

till I fell

I had seen all my friends go through it before
chasing after that special someone like lovesick lemmings
they hurled themselves off cliffs just to get that weightless feeling one more time.
It didn’t matter how many broken bones,
or broken hearts lay at the bottom
the moment that gravity caught them,
it was as if they took a big hit of nitrous gas

big goofy smile,
stretched across their face,
defying all logic,
and lasting weeks to months at a time

I didn’t understand it.
What sense was there in such a reckless endeavour?
What would drive a person to take that leap?

However ….

when I first met you,
reason went out the window

Sure I had crushes before;
men who I couldn’t stop looking at
But while they were the object of my eye,
I only seemed to fly for a moment
a short fall,
Seconds before my heart hit the ground
Fleeting, shallow, selfish

A short hop off the street curb

But with you,
That feeling never seems to goes away,
I fell down the rabbit hole
but I never seemed to reach the bottom
and suddenly,
I wished this feeling would never leave me

This love is mysterious,
Unseen but very real
A force that draws me closer
And while falling for you I …
missed the ground,
Caught in your orbit
I fell for you over and over again

Flying over your surface, I map your intricate geography,
The mountain tops and deepest valleys of your life,
Your abundant rain forests and your scarce desert regions.
your softest sand beaches and your jagged cliff faces.

I want to soak up all the parts of your terrain.
be with you through every season,
through every changing tide.
I could circle you forever,
hearing the same stories over and over again,
learning something new each time.

I never thought that I would be here
perched on the top of a roller coaster,
my stomach doing backflips,
the air trapped in my lungs
My heart counting down like a makeshift timer on a pipe bomb
big goofy smile stretch across my face.

I never felt like falling,

till I fell



2 thoughts on “Down the Rabbit Hole

  1. Lovely. Really meaningful to lots of us. We all love in different ways and I love you for taking the risk of sharing your feelings and poetry with us.


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